Man kills people with bananas.
Some people: Hey, bananas are dangerous. Let’s make it difficult to get them.
Other people: THEY WANT TO TAKE AWAY OUR BANANAS!
Some people: No. You can have bananas, but people are being killed with them. Shouldn’t we have a limit on bananas, that….
Other People: I’M ALLOWED TO HAVE BANANAS! IT’S MY RIGHT TO HAVE BANANAS! I NEED BANANAS TO PROTECT MYSELF FROM OTHER PEOPLE WITH BANANAS WHO AREN’T AS SENSIBLE ABOUT THEM AS I AM. ALSO, MUSLIMS!
Some people: But look, these people who have killed people with bananas – they bought those bananas legally. It doesn’t matter WHY they killed people with them. Let’s make it harder to buy bananas, so fewer crazy people can use them, right?
Other people: I own bananas. I have not killed anyone with them. Therefore bananas are not the problem. Millions of people own bananas. If people legally owning bananas were the problem, everyone would be dead. Did I mention Muslims?
Some People: But if we restrict banana ownership…
Other people: DON’T TAKE MY BANANAS!
Some people: We’re not…
Other people: YOU’RE ALL BANANA-STEALING FREEDOM HATERS! BANANAS ARE WHAT MAKES THIS COUNTRY GREAT. ONLY GOOD GUYS WITH BANANAS CAN PROTECT US FROM BAD GUYS WITH BANANAS.
Some people: There’s no evidence of that. It happens occasionally, but…
Other people: It happens ALL THE TIME, but it’s covered up by the Banana hating media who want to take all our bananas.
Some people: Dude, last week my paper printed a story about a kid winning a science fair award. You think they’d ignore a juicy banana related story? Hero with banana takes down banana-wielding madman?
Other people: You can’t have my bananas. Guys in Europe went nuts with bananas and you don’t say DIDDLEY about THEIR banana laws…
Some people: Because the nutters in Paris got their bananas illegally. People will do that, especially those under the control of imaginary deities. Restricting banana access won’t stop people being killed with bananas, but it will make it harder.
Other people: Criminals don’t obey laws. They’ll still have bananas.
Some people: The people killing other people in mass-banana incidents haven’t been criminals, though, have they? They’ve been terrorists, if they’re non-caucasian, and “mentally ill” if they’re white. Most criminals use their bananas in robberies or muggings. There’s no money in mass-banana incidents. Except for the National Banana Association, who use the fear of these things to drive up membership and banana sales.
Other people: You’re wrong. My country was built on bananas. I’m keeping my bananas and you can’t have them. You try and take my bananas, and I’ll use them on you!
Some people: YOU’RE bananas.
I stayed away from this topic for over a week after receiving a detailed breakdown of the inadequacies of my argument on Twitter. As a result, I’ve been thinking a lot.
My views have not changed. Restricting gun access is not restricting your freedom. Armed revolution is an unlikely excuse for the mania for guns in the US. If you believe you need your gun to fight your own elected government, then you don’t believe in the dream of the country you claim is great. I don’t care about the definition of assault rifles, that’s a red herring. I don’t care about nitpicking over the terms of the Second Amendment, and neither do you.
The truth is, people want guns, and guns are to kill people with. Yes, you can use them for hunting, and yes, some hunting rifles are little different from military-grade weapons. But I would suggest that if you need thirty rounds available in less than a minute, you’re a lousy hunter. Admit you need that gun to kill people. Now think about a country where you believe you might have to storm your State or Federal capital alongside a mass of undisciplined armed civilians. Who decides when? Who decides who is in charge during or after your insurrection? Who passes judgement on those you remove from power? And how long before those who have driven out the previous government are overthrown by the next armed mob?
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