Tag Archives: bad books

The books of July 2015

We took some friends to see Second Beach, still hot at sunset....

We took some friends to see Second Beach, still hot at sunset….

It’s been dangerously hot in BC during June and July, unusually so. There’ve been wildfires across the province, some accidental, some not. School let out, and visitors came, so we’ve had lazy days in the sun, crazy days being tourists in our own town, and the whole spectrum in between.

There haven’t been many days lazing in a hammock reading books, but there are three I’ve read in July that stand out.

Bossypants by Tina Fey

Growing up in the UK, I never watched Saturday Night Live, but it’s hard to escape the many SNL alumni who populate the film and television shows we all watch. Tina Fey has been a voice on animated movies, characters on film and television, and a name that appears again and again on the internet, especially when there are comedy awards happening.

The cover of “Bossypants” is quite distinctive, and I’ve seen it on the shelf in the library often enough to be curious about it. Like many autobiographies of the rich and famous, it’s not actually a blow-by-blow account of their lives in chronological order, but a series of anecdotes. Not everything in the book is something you want to know about, but it’s presented well, and I like her sense of humour. What does come across clearly is the staggering prejudice she’s had to overcome – in the comedy improve troupes, in the comedy clubs, in television and in movies. People have told her that “audiences aren’t interested in a sketch with just two women” and other unbelievable things . All of these nuggets of wisdom clearly based on no experience whatsoever, since Tina Fey and Amy Poehler took the internet by storm with the two-woman sketch of Sarah Palin being interviewed by Katie Couric. Tina Fey is not “funny for a woman”, she’s funny. In fact, she’s hilarious. Her sections on parenting were so true they made me laugh even while remembering the agony of parenting small children.

Trigger Warning by Neil Gaiman

This book has been out for a while, but I’ve been resisting reading it. Now that I took the plunge, I can’t remember for the life of me why I was so reluctant. I’ve read all of Neil Gaiman’s books, and a stack of his Sandman comics (though not all) and they always have the same effect: I wish I wrote with a special fountain pen, so I could screw the cap firmly on and put it away for ever. Then I would lie down with a bag on my head, secure in the knowledge that nothing I ever wrote could be half as good as Neil Gaiman’s simplest short stories.

Like Stephen King, Neil Gaiman is living proof that short stories can be amazingly powerful, that they have just as much ability to ensnare the mind as full-length novels. Reading a collection like this is like having a dozen novels at your disposal, with the added advantage that this collection includes a story about Shadow Moon, so you’ve got another sequel to the astonishing “American Gods” (another sequel because there’s another Shadow short story elsewhere, and Mr Gaiman says there’ll be at least one more in the future.)

It would be sad to think that there’s no future for short stories. Amazon made provision for authors to write short stories with their “Kindle Singles” program, and of course, there’s nothing to stop us Indie authors writing and publishing any number of collections of short fiction. What seems to have gone forever is the ready market for short fiction – the magazines that used to accept short stories and give some respectability to new authors. I hope the sales of collections like this and others helps dispel the myth that short fiction isn’t popular.

The Whirlwind in the Thorn Tree by S.A.Hunt

I often stumble across great books thank to my friends on Google Plus, and this one was no exception. Having heard a great deal about it from other friends, I finally made the acquaintance of the author himself and downloaded the book. As a bonus, the edition I bought is books one and two, saving a wait when I got to the end of book one. Anyone who has read the Gunslinger books by Stephen King will feel a thrill of familiarity, but truth be told the only thing the two tales have in common is that the lawkeepers of the alternate worlds are gunslingers. In the land of Roland of Gilead, the world has moved on and things are collapsing. In the world that Ross stumbles into, civilisation is alive and well, with a gunslinger on the throne. Comparisons become useless at this point. The story is epic in scale, but well told and original. I will be picking up book three soon.

Due to technical difficulties (my own, not his) I haven’t been able to read my ARC of “Spirit Hackers” by Aaron Crocco, but since I’m a big fan of his “Chrono Virus”, I’m happy to recommend it. “Spirit Hackers” should be released soon, so check aaroncrocco.com for the latest news

As frequently happens, I’ve read a bad book this month too. I’m not going to name names, because reviews are subjective things. Suffice to say, this was a book that had fulsome praise on the back for its ingenuity and unique voice, etc etc. That’s all well and good, but I believe stories should have a beginning, a middle and and end. You don’t need to put them in that order, but as a writer you have a contract with the reader. “Here’s a world,” you say “and here’s the people in that world. Here’s something happening, something worth your attention.” If you do it right, you’ll grab my attention early on, you’ll make me care what happens to those people – whether I want to see them succeed, or want to see them defeated by their enemies, well, that depends on the situation you’re writing about, doesn’t it? But what I really, really don’t want is the story I got from this book: “Here’s an insignificant man. He doesn’t like himself. He’s got a great girlfriend, and he doesn’t understand why she likes him. He cheats on her, and everything goes wrong. Now things are genuinely unravelling for him. His family is broken, dying, he has no girlfriend, the woman he cheated with doesn’t want him…The end.” You know what? I made it sound better than it was. Not only was there no resolution in the story of the central character, but the secondary story that he was writing throughout the book ALSO has no resolution. It is literally interrupted in the final sentences by a ringing telephone, and never finishes. And that’s the end of the book.

You are free to tell me that this is a very worthy thing, that not all stories have a neat conclusion, that the author wanted to write a bleak, dystopic analysis of the psychological makeup of the modern western male. And to that I will say “He shouldn’t have thanked his agent in the back of the book for “giving me the chance to try my hand at comedy” then.”

The next book on my stack is “Go set a watchman”, despite my reservations. I didn’t read “To Kill a Mockingbird” for a long time, but when I did get around to reading it, there was still a “19” at the start of the year.

What’s been your favourite book this year?

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There IS such a thing as a bad book.

If you’re a real fan of reading, you probably get really into your book. It’s not just a way to pass the time, you open the cover and dive in. If someone talks to you while you’re reading, there may be a moment or two of confusion as you emerge from the story-world and try to re-engage with reality.

r is for reading, Petra Hollander photography

r is for reading, Petra Hollander photography

Well, that’s the way it is with GOOD books. With a bad book it’s like trying to dive with a balloon tied to each wrist. Stupid phrasing, bad word choices or just irritating characters pitch you back out of the story again and again.

The last two books I’ve listened to (and I’m not going to name names) have been bad. The first had a protagonist who was weak and ineffective – this was a deliberate choice by the author, certainly – and time and again he was put into a position where he needed to show some backbone to gain ground. Each time he fails, wimping out, missing his chance, getting beaten. He mans up for the very final confrontation, of course, but by then it was way, way too late for me.

The second book read like a pale imitation of a series that’s become a guilty pleasure – the Stephanie Plum books of Janet Evanovich. This book had the same first-person style, the same age range, the hunky cop/almost boyfriend, the accidental involvement in a crime and then the luck to keep finding the clues. Oh, and the fact that the killer then targets our heroine, of course.

One for the Money – the first Stephanie Plum adventure. Emphatically NOT a bad book.

Where the series differs (aside from the one mighty Maguffin which I won’t mention because it’ll give the identity away) is that the book is dreadful. The main character tells us at length about a sad crime she sees on the news. We get the name of the victim, mentioned half a dozen times. Then she relates the same story to the almost boyfriend over dinner. Then, a little while later, he references the victim in a conversation. She can’t remember who it is. Not only that, but she monologues, internally for a couple of pages about how she can’t remember who it is. People passing me on the road must’ve wondered why I was pounding on the steering wheel and screaming “What ARE you? Some kind of stunned duckling? You were just talking about this person two minutes ago, you brainless sockpuppet!”

The character conveniently fogets a number of important facts from time to time, then other characters explain them at length. Since I’m not either a stunned duckling or a brainless sockpuppet (despite what Mrs Dim might say on the subject) I did not appreciate these reminders. There was a also a truckload of bad writing. If a character mentions that they are “weary with exhaustion”, I would suggest it is time to gently lay down the book, soak it in petrol and burn it for the good of humanity. If your central character is the target of a crazed killer, known to be in the area, someone who has taken pictures of them as they go about their daily business, it seems a bizarre choice for them to go into their office just deal with one more client, someone they don’t know, that they’ve never met before. Oh, and if that central character is (secrecy be damned, this was just too annoying) SUPPOSED TO BE PSYCHIC then having them INVITE A PERSON WHO WANTS TO KILL THEM INTO THEIR OFFICE seems really, really unlikely.

I’m sure people could go through my e-books and find errors. In fact, I guarantee it. But you know who’s standing behind those books? Just me. I wrote ’em, I edited ’em, I proofread ’em and I published them. These other two books were from publishing houses and can be bought in regular bookstores. Just….don’t.