Tag Archives: househusband

Sexism – Opening the can of worms

Some time ago, I was asked to be in a magazine article about men taking on the role of Mum (Mom, to you North Americans). Because Mrs Dim had a proper job, no, a CAREER, and I was just playing at being a writer, I was labelled a Househusband and asked my opinions on all sorts of things. Oh, and they wanted some photographs: Would I mind just putting on this apron and holding a duster…?

The picture was really nice. It was of Eldest Weasel sitting next to me at the piano, neither of us in an apron. I heard the photographer sulked for three whole days, but really, I wasn’t going to put up with that. So I have strong views on sexism and equality.

Obviously, not the picture I was talking about....

I used to get irked, as a neophyte writer, when I saw competitions that were restricted to female writers, like the Orange Prize for fiction. There are none, that I know of, that are restricted to men. The reason for this is the perception that men dominate the writing industry, and they don’t need any help to succeed. Since I found my niche writing plays, got published and began to earn some money, my bitterness has faded somewhat (In the early days I even considered entering competitions disguised as Damina, my most common typing error, but it hasn’t happened…yet.) But this week my good friend and Star Script Reader Lucy V Hay posted notice of a women only Screenwriting competition: http://networkedblogs.com/79hge and I dropped a snide little note on her Facebook page, demanding the end to sexist writing competitions. That’s lead to a fairly long string of comment and counter-comment and I wondered if the blogosphere has anything to add. Here’s how it breaks down:

  • There is no doubt that men are the majority in screenwriting success. More films written by men get made, more succeed at the box office, and women screenwriters seem limited to cuddly rom coms like Norah Ephron writes (Which aren’t bad in themselves: I’m a big fan of “Sleepless in Seattle” and am irrationally attached to ‘Music and Lyrics”, but this is not the be-all and end-all of female writing.)


  • Faced with a dearth of decent scripts by female writers, the incomparable Zahra has asked for women to submit scripts. Only women. Plot lead, not character lead. This is not going to be “Eat, Pray, Love” on a shoestring, folks.


  • Lucy encourages her friends on Facebook to stretch themselves and come up with something suitable. If your window onto the world of screenwriting was Lucy’s Facebook page, you’d believe that it’s a fifty-fifty split between men and women. Lucy herself is no slouch behind the keyboard, having written and produced “Slash” which is NOT a Romcom.


  • I point out that excluding men just because they’re men is sexist.


  • Lucy asks if it would be considered racist to hold a competition for black screenwriters (who are also under-represented). I have to say “yes.” Isn’t it? Excluding white writers because they’re white isn’t “better” than excluding black writers. You’re discriminating on grounds of skin colour, and that’s racism.

The problem comes when you say “Ok, we won’t use positive discrimination, smartarse, so how ARE we going to get more women screenwriters?” I don’t know the answer to that one. I’m tempted to say “It doesn’t matter”, partly because I know that’ll wind people up, but also partly because I think then you get the really passionate ones rising to the top DESPITE the prejudice. Yes, they have to be 100% BETTER than the male opposition, but that leads to better films and the men having to raise their game. In an industry accused of dumbing down and looking for the lowest common denominator (Michael Bay, I’m looking at YOU), I’m all for raising the bar. Kathryn Bigelow made ‘The Hurt Locker” and that was pretty good. A lot of people started saying “Hey women can direct, can’t they? Why aren’t there more women Directors?” I don’t think anyone held the door open for Kathryn, she didn’t make “The Hurt Locker” (Or her previous films, let’s not forget those) on a “Give her a leg up, she’s only a woman” programme. Oh boy, I’m going to be in SOOOO much trouble for that one.

I’m a regular reader of Scriptshadow where I learn a lot about writing scripts and reading them, and one of the things I have learned from there is that GOOD scripts are hard to find, even from established writers. It shouldn’t matter the sex, height, hair colour or favourite muppet of any writer, as long as their scripts are good. I can’t believe that the first thing readers in studios check is the gender of the writer. What’s more likely the problem (and this is something that Zahra mentions) is that the execswho greenlight the various projects are looking at returns and betting on a particular demographic, which determines which types of movies get made, and those are, for whatever reason, not the ones usually written by women.

These days we’re told a lot that the internet is a great leveller. It can raise public awareness and the wrath of the many against what used to be impregnable corporations. It allows the little guy to produce his own web series and distribute it, bypassing the big studios and riding the word of mouth wave to financial success (or at least, infamy). Can the internet beat the masculo-centric viewpoint of the movie studios, or are they right in their assessment of the movie markets? Sure, I like films where things blow up, but I haven’t been to see ‘The Expendables” yet, and I won’t go until I’ve seen ‘Toy Story 3″. Probably not even then. The two screenplays I’ve written that I’m happiest with are character pieces where nothing blows up. I grew up with “Star Wars” and have a deep abiding passion for Sci-Fi but I have NEVER written anything with spaceships in. In eighty-odd plays, only three could be considered to have any Sci-Fi connection. One is a Star Trek spoof sketch (“Strange New Worlds”). One is a time-travel comedy (“Fight the future”) , and the other is a deep thought play about a 1950’s “Flash Gordon”-style film cast, stuck when their leading man is injured in a car wreck (“Waiting for Twist Stiffly”). I don’t believe I write like a man, or like a woman, or like a small, furry creature from Alpha Centuri. I write like me, and if I entered a competition for screenwriting, I’d enter it as me, not as a man.

I believe that good female writers should have as much success as good male writers. If women only screenwriting competitions will get us there, then ok, I’ll back off and cheer ’em on. But if you have a better idea, I’d love to hear about it.

Work V Childcare : which is harder?

She ain't heavy...she's my daughter....

She ain't heavy...she's my daughter....

For those who don’t know, when my first daughter was born, I gave up work to look after her while Mrs Dim carried on defending the country through advanced filing and HR systems. Prior to becoming a Househusband, I had worked in a variety of jobs. I’d worked at a TV studio, a Solicitor’s office, a pub, a hotel (or, if you prefer, an hotel), an off-licence and finally for the Civil Service (That’s GOVERNMENT work, folks…) So I’d worked shifts, I’d worked nine-to-five, I’d had in-trays and drip trays, I’d been on call and offline, I’d been management, team player and independent worker. I like to think I have a broad experience of working environments.

Then I tried to do the domestic thing and, predictably, I was lousy at it. I had never really run my own house before and got dreadfully behind with the minor things like food and cleaning. I was bang up to date with the internet surfing, but that didn’t help as much as you might think. Slowly, very slowly, and with many shouts and yells and ‘discussions’ I formulated a system to achieve domestic harmony. This can be abbreviated thusly:

Do all the housework before it mounts so high it can topple and kill you.

My house was still not, say, as nice as Nigella Lawson’s, but there was food on a regular basis, the floors were clean enough to walk on without sticking and the laundry would eventually be put away after it was dry. As a bonus, I managed to keep Eldest Weasel fed, clean and healthy, as well as entertained, even when the other two weasels arrived. Before that happened, however, I was already taking on paid writing work, fitting it in between domestic duties and the various marriage maintainence tasks like conversations and evenings out.

Talk about a desk job...work from home...

Talk about a desk job...work from home...

One of the topics of conversation that I noticed was often aired was the comparison between the effort of working (ie, what the man did during the day) versus the stress of childcare/domestic duties (ie what the woman did) I got into trouble by disagreeing with the majority and saying that I found staying home with the kids to be the easier option. People were offended, I discovered. It didn’t matter that I was basing my opinion on accumulated evidence (I have worked, and I have looked after kids: Work was harder.) I was saying something unpopular. Now, please unclench your teeth and read the following statement carefully:

I am not belittling the enormous amount of work necessary to raise even one child and run the average household. It is immense.

I truly believe that running a house is a herculean task, and adding kids into the equation makes it harder by an exponential amount. If you want to bring in the option of being a single Mum, then I will raise my hands and back away. That is effort I could not even contemplate. But look, you can only base your assumptions on your own experience. I can’t say “Climbing Everest is easy – you just keep climbing until you run out of Up”. It might make sense to me, but I have no frame of reference for mountain climbing in the Himalayas, so I would clearly be talking out of my…well, I’d probably be wrong. So, from my own experience, bringing up three Weasels, even moving every two years, even trying to maintain a writing career, even while emigrating to another continent, that’s STILL THE PREFERABLE OPTION FOR ME THAN GOING OUT TO WORK. I’m not saying this because I’m a man, or because I’m a Virgo, or because I was born in Sunderland. I’m saying it because, on the balance of the evidence available to me, that’s how it is.

But I can appreciate that women often feel they are being done down because they are, ultimately, the only ones who can actually have the baby. There’s no real way around that, if you’re determined to hand down your favourite genes, as it were. You want a baby, it’s gonna take nine months, cost you a fair bit of work time and it doesn’t do you any favours on your career path. I would bet that the percentages regarding who gives up work when the baby arrives still show women are most often left…er…holding the baby. But what makes me mad are articles like this one:


I’m going to come right out and say I didn’t read it. Never followed the link. So why did I include it? Because the headline was used on the frontpage of my internet home page. I saw it when I first logged on this morning and it serves only one purpose – to aggravate people. Whatever the actual substance of this article, however genuine the scientific study at it’s heart, this piece has been written and published to make women angry, some men hurt and the few remaining lager-swilling, armchair-hogging wife-beating monosyllabic footie-snorting morons cheer drunkenly.

Men can be good at domestic tasks. We really can be. We need to get organised about it, and it doesn’t help if the routine changes unexpectedly. I can run the washing machine, the dishwasher and the dryer. I can hoover the whole house. I can even clean floors and toilets. I need a timetable to make sure I get ’em all done (or a sarcastic comment about the state of the floors) but I can do them. I don’t plead exhaustion after a hard day’s greeting at The World’s Largest Home Improvement Retailers to get out of doing the ironing. So, could the media stop perpetuating this myth that there are women’s jobs in the home and men get to read the papers? Could you folks out there stop believing them? Can people accept that “Househusband” does not mean a man in a pinny, for crying out loud? And can we agree that arguing about whether childcare or office work is harder only matters if you’re doing both?